My birthday brough upon a lot of reflection. One of the things I reflected on was on who I am, who I was, but more importantly to me, who I am not. I realized that through out time I have "tried" to be a lot of different woman or at least adopt their style. This year I realized that I will never be them, I have my own likes and dislikes. I have my own real life to deal with. In a perfectly designed Eva life, I would have a reality design show with many assistants and also a personal stylist! I would look perfect all of the time! I would wear heels and have a perfectly pedicured toes. I would also have a personal foot rubber... well I did say I was going to wear heels!
Ok, back to reality. The two ladies' style I have tried to identify with are Kate and Katy.
I wish I was classic and timeless like Kate Middleton. I pick a nude pink tone for my nails and I feel closer to her. I die my hair a light brown and feel I am getting there. I shop for a white coat because she looks so put together! My hair gets longer and I think "I am really honing in". In reality, I wake up late and pull my hair up in a pony tail, my manicure starts to show stress and distress. Close week comes around and I need to type fast so I make the nail clipper my BFF. Winter is gone and the white coat never happened... ugh I've missed the Kate train.
At the same time, I like hot pink on my nails and leopard print. So after Kate didn't happen, I think Katy is really more me. I find a leopard print dress. I die my hair darker and cut it and style it differently to give it more waves. Yes, I am really getting better at this. I wished I had blue eyes... and fireworks coming out of my bra (fireworks music video)! Ugh, this get's tiring. I can't be her.
So I give up. I will just forget this whole, who can I be dealio and just be me. I will pick the nail color I like for me, I will go shopping with only me in mind. I know that I will never be that "put together" girl because in reality I guess I don't care that much about style. I wish I did, but I guess I don't.
I have also realized that I will never be the pretty traveler I wish I was. Today I wore my "Mr. Peanut" shirt for the flight... why? Because it's super soft. BUT when I saw myself in the airport bathroom I seriously felt embarrassed! Just because it's a work trip it does not mean I should wear their brand on my chest.