Monday, June 6, 2011

Who I am not.

My birthday brough upon a lot of reflection.  One of the things I reflected on was on who I am, who I was, but more importantly to me, who I am not.  I realized that through out time I have "tried" to be a lot of different woman or at least adopt their style.  This year I realized that I will never be them, I have my own likes and dislikes.  I have my own real life to deal with.  In a perfectly designed Eva life, I would have a reality design show with many assistants and also a personal stylist!  I would look perfect all of the time!  I would wear heels and have a perfectly pedicured toes.  I would also have a personal foot rubber... well I did say I was going to wear heels!

Ok, back to reality.  The two ladies' style I have tried to identify with are Kate and Katy.

I wish I was classic and timeless like Kate Middleton.  I pick a nude pink tone for my nails and I feel closer to her.  I die my hair a light brown and feel I am getting there.  I shop for a white coat because she looks so put together!  My hair gets longer and I think "I am really honing in".  In reality, I wake up late and pull my hair up in a pony tail, my manicure starts to show stress and distress.  Close week comes around and I need to type fast so I make the nail clipper my BFF.  Winter is gone and the white coat never happened... ugh I've missed the Kate train.

At the same time, I like hot pink on my nails and leopard print.  So after Kate didn't happen, I think Katy is really more me.  I find a leopard print dress.  I die my hair darker and cut it and style it differently to give it more waves.  Yes, I am really getting better at this.  I wished I had blue eyes... and fireworks coming out of my bra (fireworks music video)!  Ugh, this get's tiring.  I can't be her.

So I am not Kate nor Katy.  Also, my feet hurt when I wear heels.  Most of the time I don't care about my hair because I have places to go (like work), reconciliations to reconcile, blogs to read, shows to watch, e-mails to answer and basically a life to live!

So I give up.  I will just forget this whole, who can I be dealio and just be me.  I will pick the nail color I like for me, I will go shopping with only me in mind.  I know that I will never be that "put together" girl because in reality I guess I don't care that much about style.  I wish I did, but I guess I don't.

I have also realized that I will never be the pretty traveler I wish I was.  Today I wore my "Mr. Peanut" shirt for the flight... why?  Because it's super soft.  BUT when I saw myself in the airport bathroom I seriously felt embarrassed!  Just because it's a work trip it does not mean I should wear their brand on my chest. 

So maybe something I should strive for is... to NOT look like such a hot mess.  Yes, that I could try to do.  Instead of trying "to be" someone else I will only use their style as inspiration and try to make it my own.  After all, if Kate or Katy didn't have all that money, media attention, and professional help they would probably also be wearing a Mr. Peanut shirt... ok maybe not.  No one should be wearing that.  I am embarrased all over again!


  1. Nice post. I still like your t-shirt :-)

  2. I love t-shirts because they are so comfortable and fun, don't be embarrassed.