Thursday, March 17, 2011

Biggest Loser: Week 6

Today started as a good day, but for some reason I feel down now.  I lost -1.8 lbs this week.  I was very happy because again I was scared I had not done that well, but I am glad it was a good week.

Lesson Learned: At first I thought my "lesson learned" was going to be to stay "Eva" through out this process.  What I mean by that, is that I don't want to give up things that make me... such as enchiladas.  Who would I be if I didn't eat enchiladas on a special ocassion?  Not me.  On Sunday I went to Maya Del Sol restaurant to celebrate Fabian's mom's birthday.  I kept on struggling with what I was going to order.  Part of me wanted to "be good" and order the salmon and the other part was "screaming" for the mole rojo chicken enchiladas with the chihuahua cheese.  I decided on the enchiladas and I do not regret it one bit!  They were delicious!  I was still afraid that they were going to hurt my weigh in today, but I worked out on Monday and had healthy meals.  So ONE of the lessons I learned was that it's ok to celebrate special occasions and allow yourself an indulgence... as long as it's not everyday!

Lesson Learned TWO: Now on to the other lesson learned...or actually the one I am trying to learn.  After dinner I told Fabian, "You didn't tell me I looked pretty."  He said, "Oh sorry, yes you look gorgeous!"  Then I asked him, "Why do I always have to remind you that I look pretty?"  His answer? 

"Because I don't want you to be full of yourself."

WHAT?!  Well, if you can't rely on your boyfriend for a self-esteem boost...who can you count on?  That's right, no one but yourself!  I can't wait for him or for anyone else to validate me.  I have to realize that I am enough, that I am pretty/gorgeous/smart...everything!  I am everything I was meant to be.  I am.

Now... "knowing" that, tell me why I started to get sad about my weight loss?  I have lost a little over 8lbs now and that is great!  What is not so great is that I have about 20 more pounds to go.  That is overwhelming!  Ahh!!!  I have to keep reminding myself of all the things that have changed ever since I started caring for myself and that it's not only about losing the weight, it's about enjoying life and making the best of my time here, with my family, with my friends, with my coworkers and with my love.

It's hard to take yourself out from a hole which you have dug up.  I realized, that no one else can get me out... specially if I don't stop digging.  So here is me halting the digging.  I already gave myself a pep talk, yes out loud because my ears need those words.  So this entry is attempt number two, because my eyes need to read these words.

I am enough.  I am of value.  I am everything I need to be.  I am.

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