Day 2 of Wings

Yesterday was day one of winged eyes... My right eye was easy but my left eye was hard!  I had to re-do it twice.  I also think it was a little exagerated, which was fine because it was the weekend.  Today, however was kind of a failure.  My pencil ran out so I could only do a very short wing.  When I looked online they recommend a liquid eyeliner... maybe I will try that.

A note on my hair: It feels like it was literally chopped.  It's straight, no real layers.  Let this be a lesson to acting on impulse... mmm... let's see if I learn my lesson in a few months once it grows out a little.

Also, in an effort to not comform to the blandness of corporate I have updated my notebooks with a little label.  It's not much but at least it adds some color.  I hope it also helps me to be organized.  I hope to have one notebook per project as opposed to one for everything.  Happy Monday!

Eye Wings

Today I chopped my hair.  One of my 2011 goals was to let my hair grow... well mission was accomplished.  I lived with long hair throughout the summer and for part of the fall.

BUT lately I renewed my subscription to the pony tail club and that did not make me feel good.  I thought, well what's the point of the long hair if its always in a ponytail!?  So today I couldn't wait any longer.  At 7 o'clock I went to the only salon I found open and had my hair cut to chin length by a 16 year old. 

I am still afraid I made a mistake, mostly because I didn't really trust the hair dresser... but I was too much of a whimp to stop her once she told me she was a senior in HIGH SCHOOL!  Over all I think I am just being dramatic and it's ok.  I am sure I've had worst!

Anyways, this post is not about my hair but about another beauty topic... winged/cat eye eye liner!

I will do this eyeliner for the next week and report back on whether it made me feel better.  I do believe that how you look or better said, the effort you put into how you look directly correlates to how feel.  So here is to feeling sexier!

P.S. I might do a more humble eyeliner for work.  Humble = Shorter Eye Wings :)

Photo

And then Kim Kardashians walks in.

Don't you hate it when you hurry home from a late Friday night at work to wash the work week off your hair... try on two different outfits.... settle on black, find some semi-comfortable heels and drive the 40 minutes to meet your boyfriend's friends for a birthday celebration... you show up, take some sangria and feel pretty good about not only finishing your week's work but also looking pretty cute....until Kim Kardashian walks in....and you sink to into your sangria.

Damn it... confidence vanishes faster than the sangria.  So what do you do?

Well I ask for more sangria and run through the list of sht I DID just get done.  Damn it!  I worked until 8 pm, went home fed and showered myself even though I was tired and only wanted to throw myself on the couch!  I tried to look cute (and was feeling cute until this bimbo walked in) and drove into Chicago dodging other city hungry suburbanites to see my boyfriend smile and party.  Yes, I am  a pretty awesome girlfriend.  I am back to feeling pretty good about myself... but what makes me feel better is that I WAS WORKING (and  being an independant self sufficient woman) while this hoe was at home making her hair perfectly straight, probably doing sit ups and adjusting her push up bra.  Yes, I am way better than her.  THEN I hear someone mention that she is a nurse.... DOUBLE DAMN IT!... she probably saved someone's life today.  I am back to my sangria.

Then I mentally btch slap myself and yell, "why must you only feel good about YOURSELF when you feel superior to someone else? STOP... you are awesome because you are awesome, not because little nurse Bethany Whispers is dumb and or lame!  Ok. let's just smile, drink your sangria and have a good time."

So I do.  We get to the club, order me a Jameson and 7 and proceed to dance like a fool and love it.  The end.

.... and little nurse Bethany Whispers?.... I don't know.  I stopped keeping track of her after the first sip of my "jimmy"...except I did see her limp out of the club...haha...those heels were killers.

Who I am not.

My birthday brough upon a lot of reflection.  One of the things I reflected on was on who I am, who I was, but more importantly to me, who I am not.  I realized that through out time I have "tried" to be a lot of different woman or at least adopt their style.  This year I realized that I will never be them, I have my own likes and dislikes.  I have my own real life to deal with.  In a perfectly designed Eva life, I would have a reality design show with many assistants and also a personal stylist!  I would look perfect all of the time!  I would wear heels and have a perfectly pedicured toes.  I would also have a personal foot rubber... well I did say I was going to wear heels!

Ok, back to reality.  The two ladies' style I have tried to identify with are Kate and Katy.

I wish I was classic and timeless like Kate Middleton.  I pick a nude pink tone for my nails and I feel closer to her.  I die my hair a light brown and feel I am getting there.  I shop for a white coat because she looks so put together!  My hair gets longer and I think "I am really honing in".  In reality, I wake up late and pull my hair up in a pony tail, my manicure starts to show stress and distress.  Close week comes around and I need to type fast so I make the nail clipper my BFF.  Winter is gone and the white coat never happened... ugh I've missed the Kate train.

At the same time, I like hot pink on my nails and leopard print.  So after Kate didn't happen, I think Katy is really more me.  I find a leopard print dress.  I die my hair darker and cut it and style it differently to give it more waves.  Yes, I am really getting better at this.  I wished I had blue eyes... and fireworks coming out of my bra (fireworks music video)!  Ugh, this get's tiring.  I can't be her.

So I am not Kate nor Katy.  Also, my feet hurt when I wear heels.  Most of the time I don't care about my hair because I have places to go (like work), reconciliations to reconcile, blogs to read, shows to watch, e-mails to answer and basically a life to live!

So I give up.  I will just forget this whole, who can I be dealio and just be me.  I will pick the nail color I like for me, I will go shopping with only me in mind.  I know that I will never be that "put together" girl because in reality I guess I don't care that much about style.  I wish I did, but I guess I don't.

I have also realized that I will never be the pretty traveler I wish I was.  Today I wore my "Mr. Peanut" shirt for the flight... why?  Because it's super soft.  BUT when I saw myself in the airport bathroom I seriously felt embarrassed!  Just because it's a work trip it does not mean I should wear their brand on my chest. 

So maybe something I should strive for is... to NOT look like such a hot mess.  Yes, that I could try to do.  Instead of trying "to be" someone else I will only use their style as inspiration and try to make it my own.  After all, if Kate or Katy didn't have all that money, media attention, and professional help they would probably also be wearing a Mr. Peanut shirt... ok maybe not.  No one should be wearing that.  I am embarrased all over again!

Cotorra!

That's what I've been called!  Last week I saw this pic on a blog and I just loved it.

I love the wood and white with the green as the focus point.  Then on Sunday I found this at my fav place... TJ Maxx.  I found it in the clearance section all the way in the back!  It was only $7.  I just had to get it.

On Sunday, a mass for the 1 year anniversary of my grandma's passing was said and for some reason after her passing I have grown very fond of birds... I don't know why.  I think maybe she liked them or for some reason they remind me of her... anyways, I think she also called me cotorra sometime.  I don't know where I am going with this... but finding the ceramic parrot felt good, kinda like a hug from my grandma.  Maybe I am crazy, but I am so happy with my new "pet".

Biggest Loser: Week 6

Today started as a good day, but for some reason I feel down now.  I lost -1.8 lbs this week.  I was very happy because again I was scared I had not done that well, but I am glad it was a good week.

Lesson Learned: At first I thought my "lesson learned" was going to be to stay "Eva" through out this process.  What I mean by that, is that I don't want to give up things that make me... such as enchiladas.  Who would I be if I didn't eat enchiladas on a special ocassion?  Not me.  On Sunday I went to Maya Del Sol restaurant to celebrate Fabian's mom's birthday.  I kept on struggling with what I was going to order.  Part of me wanted to "be good" and order the salmon and the other part was "screaming" for the mole rojo chicken enchiladas with the chihuahua cheese.  I decided on the enchiladas and I do not regret it one bit!  They were delicious!  I was still afraid that they were going to hurt my weigh in today, but I worked out on Monday and had healthy meals.  So ONE of the lessons I learned was that it's ok to celebrate special occasions and allow yourself an indulgence... as long as it's not everyday!

Lesson Learned TWO: Now on to the other lesson learned...or actually the one I am trying to learn.  After dinner I told Fabian, "You didn't tell me I looked pretty."  He said, "Oh sorry, yes you look gorgeous!"  Then I asked him, "Why do I always have to remind you that I look pretty?"  His answer? 

"Because I don't want you to be full of yourself."

WHAT?!  Well, if you can't rely on your boyfriend for a self-esteem boost...who can you count on?  That's right, no one but yourself!  I can't wait for him or for anyone else to validate me.  I have to realize that I am enough, that I am pretty/gorgeous/smart...everything!  I am everything I was meant to be.  I am.

Now... "knowing" that, tell me why I started to get sad about my weight loss?  I have lost a little over 8lbs now and that is great!  What is not so great is that I have about 20 more pounds to go.  That is overwhelming!  Ahh!!!  I have to keep reminding myself of all the things that have changed ever since I started caring for myself and that it's not only about losing the weight, it's about enjoying life and making the best of my time here, with my family, with my friends, with my coworkers and with my love.

It's hard to take yourself out from a hole which you have dug up.  I realized, that no one else can get me out... specially if I don't stop digging.  So here is me halting the digging.  I already gave myself a pep talk, yes out loud because my ears need those words.  So this entry is attempt number two, because my eyes need to read these words.

I am enough.  I am of value.  I am everything I need to be.  I am.

Open Your Heart and Design Your Life

I had meant to post this before, but it got lost with all the noise in my head.  Nuns from this order came to our church in Glendale Heights.  After mass, I came home and found them on youtube.  (At mass they mentioned they had been on Oprah!

I found this so interesting and I hope you do too.

These are a few points of why I found it interesting;

• I am too self involved on how to make MY life better than I never stopped to think about other people's lifes.  About how different and beautiful they are.

• I like how the nuns were just "normal" girls...with jobs, bags, boyfriends, and shoes!

• I love how they said that being a nun allowed them to be their better selves!  It was freeing?  What?!  Really?  With all those restrictions?  Wow.  I can kinda understand this bc if I think about my own life I can pin point things/events/responsabilities that have allowed me to be myself.  I am talking about my job and my relationship w/Fabian.  Even though they are "restricting" they have allowed me to develop into Eva.

So here are the nuns!  Enjoy!












Here are some comments I found w/the videos:

• If God is calling someone to the priesthood or religious life as a nun or a brother, then it will be the happiest life that person can live. God is our beginning and our end, we were made for God.

• But life is more than just having sex or checking facebook or texting. When you find something greater and something worth living, all the worldly things become just mere fantasies.

• Silence is probably the most important part of prayer in a lot of ways. Haha I always tell friends that being quiet is the best step; one of my friends who was going throug ha really dry spiritual time decided to just be still and listen to God and experience His closeness and love. I'd say dothat in your daily prayer, and then discern any steps ahead. :) God bless!

Oh I almost forgot...I picked this title (Open Your Heart and Design Your Life) because I believe we should all open and offer our hearts to God/universe, BUT also take the time to design our own life with the best of our abilities.  I can't just go up to God and say...Here.  Do something good w/me.  I have to put forth the effort and try to be me and live my life.  The best real me, bc that's how he made me so who else can I be?

I am having trouble conveying my message...but I hope you get it.  Maybe I should have thought more about this post, but it's already been gathering up dust too long!

Recommitting to Myself

I was starting to feel lost.  I felt careless.  I felt not committed to myself.  So today...I decided to recommit myself to myself!

Here is what I did today to get back on track (to being happy, careful, and found!):

• Flowers: I use to keep flowers around, they make me happy and they make a place look lively.  So here!  My mom hooked it up w/this little arrangement.  We picked these flowers ourselves from her friend's garden.

• Mail and Bills: I FINALLY checked my mail and paid all my bills!  I also called comcast bc the bill seemed to high and they are crediting me back $12, nice!

• Living Space:  I was starting to get bored w/my little studio...basically bc I have been lusting a bigger place, but it's time I appreciate my little space!  So I started cleaning a little and re-arranging some stuff to make it feel fresh.  Here is my little entry. 

I brought in the cigar box from the trunk of my car (which is basically my storage) and it just so happened that all these candles matched!  I also added the small frame with a couple lines from a Neruda sonnett.  The box holds my sunglasses and keys.

I still have lots to do...bc I let everything just kinda fall, but I think today was a really good start.  Like putting these up...they are lovely, but on my floor.

Also, a special shout out to Jackie...bc it is her gift that helped me get it all together.

This little notebook is filled w/a long to do list!

Single Ladies...More Like Little Girls!

My coworker sent me this video of these girls dancing to Beyonce's Single Ladies and my first thought was, "Wow, they are so good! " I really liked it, but then after seeing it again and reading that there were some parent complaints about the girls' moves being too sexy ... to my surprise I agreed.  Specially after seeing Billy Elliot on Tuesday.

I absolutely believe in the art of dancing.  I think everyone should be exposed to it because it enhances your senses, it makes you feel!  So it is for that same reason that I believe these girls should not be dancing like that!  They can practice other moves, but I believe that the earlier you introduce sexuality to children the sooner they lose their child like innocence.  Billy Elliot's cast had so many very talented children that portrait quality dancing without threatening a child's being.

Also, the reason why I believe that sexy moves will awaken something in them is because I thought of all the pole dancing/lap dancing exercise classes and of what I've heard...women feel sexy afterwards...so i think that it will do the same for anyone.

There, it might be controversial...but that's what I think.

Nice Little Numbers

I work with numbers.

I heart Excel.

I heart calculators.

Specially retro ones (or retro wannabe, like this Urban Outfitters one)

Love is...Dinner with Friends!

A great Thursday evening started with a ride into downtown to Matteo and Giulia's highrise condo.

S. Michigan Ave.

Dinner began with pasta carbonara...

(loved the bacon!)

Ok, naive me thought this was THE meal...but NO.

Dinner continued with salad...

...with oil & vinegar dressing...

and pork meat.., I think it was pork meat...anyways it was delicious!

AND the softest, fluffiest best chocolate cake ever!!!

Oh.My.Godddd.  Everything was DE-LI-CIOUS!

BUT the best part of the night was sharing with one another.  This dinner was a sort of a good bye dinner for a friend leaving to New York in less than a month.  I am sorry to see him go, but are very excited for him and wish him the best of luck.

This was my first time sharing dinner with this group of friends and I can't wait for the next time.  I felt so comfortable to be myself.  Giulia is such a great host.  She is so charming and funny.  Her goofyness made everyone comfortable.  She kept on feeding us and feeding us and making us laugh!  Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention that their condo had the BEST view of the lake!  Funny how the material things, like the view, took a back burner to everything else.  That's how I know, the best part of the night was what was going on inside the condo, not it's location!

This just reminded me the Allstate "lessons" commercial...it's not about how big the tv is but about who is around the tv...something like that.  Anyways...love is having dinner with friends!

Be Yourself and Blog Yourself

Hello Everyone!  I took a little break to be a friend, a girlfriend, and to be myself.  So what does this mean?  I spent sometime with my favorite ladies, my boyfriend and myself!

Being a Friend: On Saturday I joined my girlfriends for the play Lunatic(a)s!  It was a great time!  Thanks to Idalia for bringing us all together and feeding us!  She really outdid herself with all the yummy food.  Thanks, thanks, thanks!

Being a Girlfriend:  My lovely BF started a new gig at Betty's Blue Star Lounge this weekend and while I usually don't like to go out clubbing much I couldn't not go.  I am so glad I went because it was again a great time with my friends and his family (brothers).

Being Myself:  I took some time to think about where I want this blog to go.  At first, it was hard to even get started.  I kept on thinking, "who wants to read my babbling?"  I fell in love with blogs earlier this year.  My first encounter with a blog was Make Under My Life.  Jess, the writer, has a purpose and therefore her posts have a purpose...but me...I don't even know what I want to do tomorrow.  Also, all the blogs I ran accross were smart or witty or creative OR all three!  So how can my random thoughts be ok to put out there?  The I found My Favorite and My Best!  This blog was completely different.  Take a look, please take a look.  She is honest, she is funny, and more importantly she is herself.  I was thrilled!  She made this blog herself...she writes about decor, about her family, about twilight!  She is funny, she is raw, she is honest and I am in love!  Why?  Because she made it ok for me to be myself.  While her blog might not be for everyone (which is ok) it certantly is for me.

So I started blogging...and then this happen.  Here I am thinking that I am not "worthy" of internet space and Jess is asking Actually, who are you not to be?  Wow.

Spagat

And then My Favorite and My Best posted this.  She got a blogging gig!  Can you imagine being you and then someone likes you enough to pay you to be yourself?!!!  Awesome.

My fave from My Favorite and My Best:
"So from my perspective as long as you write it all from your heart and use your voice and not a voice you think people want to hear and try not to bore the piss out of people you will get a job with a hot gay dude!"

Funny how when you allow yourself...you start seeing more signs and things start falling into place. After this blogging epiphany... Jessica Claire posted this...also about being her true self on her blog!


Fave from Jessica Claire on being honest and on the critique/comments that this might bring:
I have the power to delete you at my will and I will exercise that right to the fullest extent possible. It is the only exercise I might do that day, so I appreciate it . :)

So here I go.  Pretty Blessed - Honest Thoughts and Wild Dreams

P.S. Oh yea!  And cheers to daily randomness!

Beauty on the Fire